I was lying on the bed. Breathing. Eyes drooping. Ready to drift in to restorative sleep. My body had been through a cycle of intense contractions which had now completely dissipated.
One of my midwives was there, sprawled on the bed with me. She'd come over a few hours earlier, wanting to be with us even if I wasn't in labor. She said she wanted to spend the night on our couch.
Here we were. A family, a midwife, a beloved child readying to be born. Creation. Becoming.
I'd been through labor what felt like many times before. And this time, this 3rd time, felt like something I'd never gone through. And as any woman will tell you, weeks before she goes in to labor, weeks before she greets that moment when baby, body, mother and creation birthing itself, all co-exist in mutuality, is when she dies and is reborn. Through labor, every woman greets the invitation to lay down everything she was, thought she was, and believed she could be. Here she finds herself at the threshold of her own irrational becoming.
A child's birth brings with it the creation of a new woman, a mother, a family, the new earth and all that is possible. Birth brings the beauty of what IS possible.
I recall looking directly at her and sharing something like, "I don't like the experience of labor. It terrifies me. I don't like it. It's never been an orgasmic experience for me. It's completely torn me open, tossed me down, ripped me bit by bit until there was nothing left. No, I don't like it. I'd rather do it another way. But I will show up. I will show up with all that I am. And I will trust beauty is being born. Somehow. I will trust beauty is being born. So I'm going to show up and let that beauty come through me, even if I don't like the process and it doesn't feel good. I'm going to find how beauty is born."
My midwife watched me closely. And said, "No one ever speaks about birth that honestly. That is very real. That is so true."
No one speaks about birth honestly.
No one speaks about Creation honestly. That is real.
Everyone tries to say they know how creation works. I know I'm REALLY good at manipulating it. But none of us truly knows how creation works. Because we are its expression, and we are living it, always. And we've got to grow very intimate with it until we don't recognize it as separate.
I know we're all feeling it. We're feeling this irrational becoming right now. This place when what was and what is and what is becoming are swirling around. The murk is rising to the surface. And nothing looks clear. And we're fully in it. We're in the irrational becoming. Our Birth. Our Creation.
And we just don't know.
To share what was. What is. What is becoming. To simply be REAL. Real and whole together.
It's the theme circling through all my women's circles, mentorship programs and sessions right now. It's the theme of my own life. Don't know how to prepare for this? Don't know what the next steps are going to be or what's 'round the corner? Don't know how it's going to feel or how you're going to navigate through? Thank Goddess. Can we love this?! Can we just love the heck out of this rebirth of our lives?!
And just show up.
Come empty handed. Because YOU in wholeness is all that's required. And you're wanted. So wildly wanted.
And when we show up, without the baggage of the past or the presumptions of the future, all that emptiness suddenly reveals, repurposes and reclaims ALL that is needed from within us. From deep within the system and environment. Right NOW. Just now. Just you.
It's how we celebrate we are WANTED. It's how we live in integrity of our enoughness. Our life and love are more than enough.
You're safe love. You're safe inside the beauty of your own flesh, blood, body and skin.
And this is how we step IN to the current of our lives and become the transformation. Exhale, wide and full. Exhale. Wide and full.
You. Now. Life. This.
Say Yes! On your own behalf.
Because it's on behalf of us all.
Fire of My Heart ~ A MotherSong for You
I'm honored a group of women have been gathering for the past year, bringing these MotherSongs forward.
In celebration here's one of my uncut songs, Fire of My Heart.
Here to support you saying Yes to YOUR life!
And join NEXT Saturday for my LAST in-person Portland event of this year!! We'll be singing this song... and so much more.
Return of the Lost Daughter
Saturday May 7, 10am to 5pm
at The Grotto