Show Up To Her

Sharon Ann Rose 11/2019

​I’m putting pressure on myself.
The kind of pressure that holds you down. And holds you back.
Keeps defining your future steps in a certain way.
 
The kind of pressure that quakes in the face of death.
And runs hiding from the face of life.
You know… THAT kind of pressure.
 
And my chest burns with its impact.
Feeling all the well-intentioned and well-meaning selective actions I’ve taken.
Measured. Thought out. Like a cinched waistline that doesn’t want to reveal any curves.

And now that burning has also found its way into my belly.
The belly. A place where life arises from. Whispering incantations of the most worthy kind.
The place my boys were cradled in for months on end, while I kept showing up each day to the changing, growing, transforming within.
 
I kept showing up each day to the changing, growing and transforming within.
 
What’s different now?
Anything?
I know I’ve asked that question before.
And my answer is somehow still the some.
 
Nothing’s different sweetheart.
We’re still here. Together. Body and love. Love and body.
You. Body. Love. Alive.
Showing up. Changing. Growing. And transforming.
 
So why am I reacting to changes as if they’re negative?
And assuming the roiling lava in my belly is a ‘bad’ sign that needs medical attention?
Can I author this eruption? Can I be the one to tell its story and emphasize the roiling power of my own fire? Can I?
Am I ready?!
 
“Are you ready?” She asked.
Fuck!?! I don’t know. Because if it’s taken me this long to get ready… what the hell have I been doing?!
Being NOT ready all this time?! Walking through my days unwilling and not ready or available? To what…? To Her? To Him? To myself?
 
Not being available to her. To him.
To myself.
To my own inner fire.
 
So… show up to yourself. Right now. Be ready to do that, with your absolute love.
Show up to the ache and pain you feel. To the dissatisfaction and longing.
Show up to the ways you want to live. And the ways you want to die.
Show up to the you you’ve believed you were.
And to the one that is inevitable you are becoming.
 
Show up. Breathe. Feel how life is and has been moving through you.
However it has. Frozen. Cold. Frigid. Afraid.
On fire. Roiling. Burning. Exploding.
Settling. Softening. Surrendering. Stilling.
Show up to Her in ALL. Her. Glory. And circumstance.
 
Show up to Her in all Her circumstance.
And know there’s nothing you need hide away out of shame you’ve gotten it wrong.
 
This is you baby.
The life and breadth of you.
Show up with wild love for the way She’s finding herself here… now.
Through every footstep onto the floorboards. Even as they creak under the weight of her aliveness.
 
This is you baby.
Find yourself here. And proclaim you’re willing and ready.
And available.
Available to the changing, growing and transforming happening within.

~ Sharon Ann Rose 2017

found on the web, artist unknown